Your childhood would have either been at least
a bit arid or overrun with strong winds and ongoing
cloudbursts. These early beginnings were marked by
too much or too little affection, attention and
encouragement. There would be no perfect climate.
You would turn to the only thing in your control.
You were not able to change what was coming
at you. So you changed the size of your soul. Or
at least pretended you could. Some under-sizing
would offer the hope that your family would not
feel burdened by your feelings, or your needs.
Your motto became, “I’m not really here”.
Your alleged absence would be supported by
pretending that what you think or desire is
of no consequence. Of course, your offering or
your gifts would recede and you would fixate
upon your wounds, convinced that’s who you were.
Such convincing led you to some contrived safety.
You may have over-dressed in order to deal
with the prevailing conditions of childhood.
Convinced that you were larger than the
unpredictable storms, you would hoist yourself
up beyond your limits. You found yourself talking
yourself and others into your alleged importance.
It is always time to come home to yourself. Like
all arduous undertakings, you’ll need to get honest
about your task. False modesty offered scaffolding
to your under-sizing. You strove not to burden.
Your right size is simply to be ordinary. Home is
the gentle welcoming of your gifts and wounds.
Your over-sized experience was underpinned by arrogance.
The task is to dismantle arrogance without some harsh
criticism about a need to be swollen. You were dealing
with what appeared to be unfathomable forces,
winds that seemed ready to blow you away. Come home,
one step at a time to an ordinary soul awaiting you.