An enmeshed family diminishes the value of individual members while prioritizing the wellbeing of the group. The enmeshed imperative is: Are you giving enough to others? Weak boundaries do not successfully separate and honor individual preferences and needs. There is a way to be, and individual family members are encouraged to figure that out and make It happen. Before taking a closer look at the prevailing characteristics of an enmeshed family and recommended strategies for healing, it may be helpful to stress the importance of understanding the imperfect nature of families.

An enmeshed family diminishes the value of individual members while prioritizing the wellbeing of the group. The enmeshed imperative is: Are you giving enough to others? Weak boundaries do not successfully separate and honor individual preferences and needs. There is a way to be, and individual family members are encouraged to figure that out and make It happen. Before taking a closer look at the prevailing characteristics of an enmeshed family and recommended strategies for healing, it may be helpful to stress the importance of understanding the imperfect nature of families.

We’re familiar with the feelings of anger, sadness

fear and joy. We’re willing to at least acknowledge

that these feelings exist, if not in us, then somewhere,

in somebody. One or more of them may be somewhat

familiar to you. However, one feeling tends to live

anonymously – touched and moved.

What is this feeling of touched and moved? We see or

hear of some tenderness, some act of care offered just

because it’s the thing to do. Some unsolicitous regard

touches and disturbs our hearts. Possibly, the disturbance

There appears to be increased alarm about young males becoming obsessed with playing video games. The concern may be approaching epidemic proportions as there are now counselors and psychologists identified as experts who treat video game obsession or addiction. Undoubtedly, anyone playing video games seven or eight hours per day is likely to be in avoidance of real life. But why such an avoidance? There are two questions which may help to better our understanding of the unbridled appeal of virtual reality.

Is it an intractable rigidity, fashioned by fear, that seems to accompany our moral fixations? The heart seems to lose its suppleness and ability to reach toward the unknown when haunted by fear. Once we decide that males are perpetrators and females are victims, there is little hope of introducing a level of healing for both males and females, and less hope that gender reconciliation might be possible.

Do you remember the promises you made to keep?

Not to this guy or that, not to parents or a boss, or

a spouse. These are promises made to life. Or did

you believe that only life was responsible for making

and keeping promises? You can’t enter a love story

with life until you come of age as a promise-keeper. 

Life makes no promise. As long as you believe so,

you remain a disappointed child on endless Christmas

mornings. Life only presents opportunity for defeat

and triumph, with the former being more likely. You

You came here to create. You were always meant to

create yourself again and again. The challenge is to

step into some unknown moment – a place you’ve

never really been before. Fear may get the best of

you, settling into the familiar, as if that’s all there is.

The familiar will break its promise of being undemanding.

                     

There is a significant measure of insidious activity

In the familiar. The opposite of creating is not

You are a pilgrim, moved, pulled and directed by tension.
You were welcomed to this world by uterine muscle spasms.
Invasive contractions remained oblivious regarding your readiness.
Forces larger than you will come again and again, ushering
you somewhere you’ve never been. Let your early beginning
continue to inform you about the nature of the journey.

It’s a journey directed by creative tension. It possesses a
primordial knowing about birthing, beginnings, endings
and a tendency to extract you from the familiar.
A life is a series of being reborn again and again. At times
there may be adequate preparation, as much as you
pretend you know where you’re going, you won’t have a clue.

Your childhood would have either been at least

a bit arid or overrun with strong winds and ongoing

cloudbursts. These early beginnings were marked by

too much or too little affection, attention and

encouragement. There would be no perfect climate.

You would turn to the only thing in your control.

You were not able to change what was coming

at you. So you changed the size of your soul. Or

at least pretended you could. Some under-sizing

would offer the hope that your family would not

• It is extremely helpful to recognize and name tension in the present moment.
• Locate the tension in your body.
• Direct your breath to the area of the tension.
• When possible, verbally acknowledge the presence of tension. Recognition and acknowledgement go a long way toward helping manage tension.
• Notice and name any emotion associated with the tension. Typically, fear will be the emotion affiliated with tension and occasionally, anger or sadness.
• Interrupt any catastrophic thinking. You likely will neither be fired, be abandoned by your family nor die in the next hour.