Working With Triangles

When a third person joins a pair of people, the flow of communication, influence, and closeness between the original pair will typically be altered. People often feel invaded, forgotten, angry, hurt and resentful when there is no understanding about how to address a triangle and the changes occurring due to the participation of the third…

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The Introverted Leader

“Dale Carnegie’s metamorphosis from farm boy to salesman to public speaking icon is also the story of the rise of the Extroverted Ideal. Carnegie’s journey reflected a cultural evolution that reached a tipping point around the turn of the twentieth century, changing forever who we are and whom we admire, how we act at job…

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More or Less Grounded

“Feeling rooted in the earth is soothing to the body, and it is our connection to the earth that gives us our most basic sense of belonging, home, resilience, and safety”. Jessica Moore     Describing someone as grounded appears to have become quite favorable as well as not grounded being somewhat pejorative. We can…

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More or Less Present

 “I never really cared for the things of this world.                                                            It was the glow of your Presence that filled it with beauty.”        …

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The Wounded Healer

  “The analyst must go on learning endlessly ….  it is his own hurt that gives the measure of his power to heal”.   Carl Jung       There continues to be a great deal of mystery and suspicion regarding psychotherapy. I hear “How can a stranger really know me?” or “Why would I want…

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Carrying Light

 “We are all broken, that’s how the Light gets in.”  Ernest Hemingway   For those of us taken up with our psychological and spiritual maturation, Light often becomes a sought-after entity. It’s easy to decide that more Light means the more we are on the right path. However, how we carry Light may ultimately determine…

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Being Needed vs. Being Loved

Whether there simply wasn’t enough love available during childhood, or you witnessed one parent needing the other, or you didn’t believe you deserved love, many intimate relationships reveal one person settling for being needed. I’m not sure if it happens with some awareness or is a completely unconscious dynamic. It may be that there is…

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The Glorification of the Paternal

What about fathers and daughters? We seem more able to get our teeth into other family dynamics. Stories of fathers and sons, mothers and sons, and mothers and daughters all seem to reveal themselves more vividly. I have worked with many fathers of daughters and many daughters in my counseling practice over the years. Having…

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Redemption for the Scapegoat

Of all the childhood roles in a family, scapegoats are in dire need of being in repossession of their essential goodness. Scapegoats enter the family, and all too soon become aware that the Hero child has secured the position of recognition and approval. Scapegoats rigidly attached to their role when the system is heavily stressed…

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Maturation for the Mascot

The youngest child in a family often occupies the role of Mascot. If the stress in the family is not excessively severe, the child in this role knows how to play, have fun, and bring lightness to family life. This child’s gift of love is an offering of endless comedy with the price being arrested…

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