Paul Dunion, EdD

Triangulating happens when two people have a conversation about a third person where they represent the beliefs, feelings or behaviors of the third person.  There are typically several unfavorable outcomes. The first being that the 3rd person’s voice is stolen. That person does not have an opportunity to represent him or herself. The second consequence…

The bad news is that emotional intimacy is not natural. However, couples fall prey to thinking that if there’s enough love and enough kindness, then the depth of emotional connection is inevitable. What is natural is sliding into an enmeshed or fused relationship where one member is sacrificing his or her individuality, typically, in the…

We are encouraged to see times of loss, failure and longing as simply unfortunate. We might gain some wisdom regarding these times of challenge. Mythology is filled with examples of heroes and heroines losing their way, confused, frustrated and unable to compete some assigned task. Might we be able to gain some insight into living…

An old mentor of mine often spoke of “good love”. I came to understand that what he meant was love that was not smothered with sentiment unable to breathe life and vitality into the beloved. I’ve come to deeply appreciate my mentor’s considerations of love and have found it imperative to allow my own musing…

We have become a culture obsessed with diminishing stress or tension. Our sensitivity to being over stressed is likely a good thing, however, we may have lost sight of the value of tension, especially, the tension associated with human emotions. An ancient meaning of the word “sacred” is “to sacrifice”. We can ask: What do…

Valentines day is typically a chocolate worshiping time.  My hunch is that our confectionary cravings might be viewed as a deep hunger for the sweetness of life. I understand sweetness to be a tender arousal of heart which deepens our connection to ourselves,  to others, to nature or even possibility to the Sacred.  A couple…

I am deeply aware lately of living in a culture which has some investment in keeping us in an adolescent holding pattern.  I recently saw two commercials on television which directly invite males to remain children. One commercial is a young couple having a meal at Mc Donald’s restaurant. The female says, “Can you believe…

An old meaning of the word “maturation” is “happening at a proper time” referring to the cultivation of crops and the need for rich soil, water, light and fertilizer and stewardship or attention.  Our souls are like seed spread for planting. Some seed will fall on barren ground, inaccessible to water, light and nutrients. However,…

In order to move beyond which ever primitive protective strategy we employ, ie. distancing, dominating or adapting, we need to remain mindful of which one we’re using and be willing to let go of it. Typically, the feelings sitting behind each strategy are fear and helplessness. Consequently, we need to learn to feel these feelings,…

One of the most significant cultural myths is that developing an emotionally intimate relationship is a natural phenomenon. It is not natural, meaning we are not innately equipped to develop strong intimate connections with others.  Emotionally intimate relationships happen because we acquire a set of compententcies which guide the development of relationships possessing emotional depth.…